PONDER: Interrupted by My Little Star

Not unusually, I am sitting in the living room, writing. It’s 5:30 a.m. My 10-year-old girl plops down by my side, reading her novel, and listening to the morning news with me. The day isn’t off and running. We enjoy quiet morning moments, interrupted most often by two Labrador retrievers wrestling.

“It’s too early” I tell the boy puppies, “Go lay down for a while.”

Estela giggles.

“Is it for school?” she asks me. I look at her, trying to find words.

“Can you write about people who don’t get presents?” she is more direct.

“Why, particularly?” I probe.

“Because people who do (get presents) aren’t always grateful for what they get.” She tells me.

We watch the news of Black Friday’s record sales, and anticipation of Cyber Monday’s record sales goals. Target, Best Buy, and others operate special “war rooms” to handle the online buyers, scrambling to get the best deals on the presents for their loved ones. In fact, the entire national news program is almost completely dedicated to where to buy, the most popular gifts, and how to get the best deal on whatever it is you’re looking for. Only the weather forecast interrupts the media holiday blitz.

“Mommy? Will you?” she presses.

In past years, I felt pressure to provide the right amount of presents for my children. I told myself I didn’t want them to feel the crunch of our financial situation, or regulate their requests, or to have to explain to friends why they didn’t get the latest electronics or toys. The holiday rush consumed my thoughts. I wanted this or that, too. This is our one chance to buy something for one another, I told myself.

If I am honest, the gift-giving pressure wasn’t from my children, or the media, but from a part of me that wanted to look good in front of my friends, my family, my kids — for myself. I needed to be an extravagant gift-giver because I needed to feel good. The children weren’t pressing me for extravagance. We didn’t always meet my goals for buying gifts, but I tried to make sure we could.

I turn towards Estela, still waiting for my reply.

She is right. People who get presents aren’t always grateful for what they get. And, I’m not just talking about material gifts. I’m talking about family, friendship, housing, enough cash to pay the basic utility bills, and more. I look back at that Mother – the Mother I was – the Mother I am – the Mother I am becoming...

Muting the t.v., I say, “Estela, listen to this, from the story of Jesus’ birth – it’s why I am working, why I am grateful, why I know better how I am grateful for what I do have ….”

Luke 2:8-12:

“8 That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep.” 

Estela interrupts: “That’s good, I think the shepherds are fine.”

“9 Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified, 10 but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said.”

Estela interjects, again: “That’s good, too. They said, ‘Don’t be afraid!’ because I know that they are going to find Jesus.”

I continue: “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. 11 The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! 12 And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger.”

Estela finishes her commentary: “Jesus is born. He’s going to bring real happiness to everybody.”

Real happiness. I ponder her words.

People who cannot shop on Black Friday, buy presents online Cyber Monday, or aren’t able to pay basic bills aren’t usually the first on my mind when I watch the Holiday shopping news. Has my gratitude for my abundance been put into action? Have I allowed the angels – the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounding me – to move me to love deeply, seek the baby Jesus, born to bring freedom and light?

I ask her, “What is real happiness?”

Estela replies, “Real happiness is when you are with your family and making memories.”

I quickly write down her words. They are like treasure to me – an early gift. She knows why Jesus came – he came in simplicity, the greatest joy, the greatest present to all people.

He is love, in action. His presence resistance to the acceptable injustices of his day, to our day. His life stands in the gap for the oppressed, marginalized, popular crowds, and humanity. He wraps children in love. He whispers comfort to adults.

Estela is back to reading. I am back to writing.

And, after the shepherds announced the great gift, to those who had plenty and those who didn’t, “20 The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen. It was just as the angel had told them.”

Luke 2:20