"Como La Flor"
by Luis and Danielle Castillejo - listen at https://los-cazados.simplecast.com/episodes/como-la-flor-by-luis-and-danielle-castillejo
“Como la flor,”
She sings
“Yo se perder”
She says,
“Ay como me duele”
The rhythm beats to my heart,
Something rings true
My heart is yours
And they hurt, duele
Like a love song
They beat out and back in
I’ve lost love,
My heart is gone.
And you, too
I feel you slipping.
She says,
“no se si pueda volver amar.”
I can’t return to love.
I feel lost,
I know about losing, loss, pain.
Lucky charms
Petals falling
What I have left.
Just mates in rough seas
Separated,
Captain Castillejo
Captain Mexicano
Captain Mexicana
We are going down
She sings,
“Yo se perder”
I know perder.
It’s a mark I wear
Fits on me,
fits my culture,
Fits my family.
Just going down
Up and down
Back and forth,
The drum
Roughly bangs
Will I come up for air?
Respire, mujer
Hombre
Niño
Niña
Hija
hijo
Did someone else come in?
Who enters our sacred space?
Uninvited
They didn’t know you
Or me
Veras nuestra gran amor
So much amor,
Quiero
Te quiero
Nos queremos
Deserts of endless years
A month or more of abiding inside
Witness the time,
Como vuela,
A decade inside of a cage,
My abuela is gone now, too.
She waved at me
outside of a large white van
I hugged her neck,
She grinned
and squeezed my hand,
I said, “I’ll see you later, abuela.”
Pero hasta luego
No es verdad
Not now
Not then
Gone.
“Ay, como me duele.”
She sings.
Birds whispering her name to me
I love her name
Angelica
Like I love yours
Luis Alberto
Daniela Suzanne
These days I am home too much
And too long
She won’t be back
Will I be back?
Will you come back?
Volvere
Volvere
Volveras?
Perdi.
Tanto amor.
Abuela took that too,
part of my heart,
I gave my love,
And then this.
I wish you the best
You didn’t know her
You didn’t know her depth
Of spirit
Of joy
Of untouchable goodness
But its gone
Perdiste como todos
Vovlveras?
Te amo, mi amor
Perdi amor,
Como siempre
Yo se perder.
I see her
children’s smiles,
Hearty laughs.
School work,
Baking.
What’s left are scribbles of her life
Written on my heart.
Love letters stuffed in old pockets
I gave you letters
With more than words
Llorar y llorar
“llevas mi Corazon.” She sings.
But, this isn’t just Abuela.
Or her heart
She took my heart,
like so many.
Gone.
My heart didn’t stop giving love,
then.
It hurt
asked to give more.
Te pido mas y mas
Pero donde estas?
Corazon y body y spirit
Quarantining in their homes
Griefs alone can wander
uncontained
The others waved goodbye
No te puedo decir adios
Porque te quiero
Some life I waved goodbye.
He waves at me during the day.
Swimming in seas of cleansing
It’s a new love
He’s outside working,
At home, now.
Well, what we say is home.
It’s not so new anymore,
Pero, I love to think some hope is coming
Do you see me?
Me puedes ver como antes? Como despues del dolor?
Todavia queda nuestro amor?
Yo se que si.
But, really, its substitute for unnamed
Dolor
Of a different species
No chili powder
No tortillas
No frijoles
Quarantined
The sun rises,
The sun sets
The moon rises
The moon sets
I rise
I set
Despierto contigo,
Separados
Y juntos
She sings,
“Ay como me duele. Ay, como me duele.”
Walking up,
Walking down
Marimba tells me sadness carries joy
I don’t want it to be that way
“Tanto amor”
The way of sadness and joy
I want hugs on a neck
Money in the account
Bolsas de esperanza
A blooming flower.
Like she gave me,
Like we were married under
You gave me that kiss
I gave you back a kiss
Besos y besos
Amor Viejo ya Nuevo,
Porfavor,
It is real
Living
And four beautiful creations
But, she sings, “Ay como me duele.”
Rose buds in lonely gardens
Solo tu
Solo tu
Yo se perder
Sabemos perder
Sabemos amar
There is no new love,
But it feels cheating
pretend
Who stole from us?
Who stole love?
Ladrones, white and everywhere,
I gave you everything,
But maybe something is left
Robaron nuestros pensamientos
Cuerpos
Familias porque solo trabajo
Y ahora no puedo
The energy to compete
A world of hate,
Gone
The hate inside, duele
Y se que pierdo
No te vallas, amor,
No te vallas,
Te pido.
Porque,
Y lo que queda duele
Grief,
El dolor
La afliccion
La pesadumbre
El pesar
It’s so heavy,
We don’t translate for you
The pains of these hands,
Bodies,
Songs,
The cries
Because
She sings, “Ay como me duele.”
Without any doubt I wish you the best,
Her song translates.
I do. I want the best.
For you
Para mi.
Felicidad.
“Como la flor,
Con tanto amor
Me diste tu.”
She sings.