Dysphoria

As hard as I try the mirror can’t reflect who I perceive inside,

Lips too plump.

Hips too wide.

Hands too soft.

Face too feminine,

I keep my nails and hair short to try and see who I really am,

Men’s clothes are too big but hide my chest and curves from the world,

Straining my voice to make it deeper and more raspy,

Bruised ribs from unsafe binding,

Shots every 3 months to keep myself from bleeding and hating every part of me,

Finally getting to start T makes me feel like a fraud,

Fights with friends and family because they don't understand that my body feels wrong, 

As hate crimes go up

Suicide rates rise

I want to hide who I am just to continue to survive.

But is surviving worth losing my identity?

Who I fought to be?

So I verbally stand tall,

So no one can continue to make me feel small.

Andreas Lujan is a trans man with passions for poetry, singing, and public speaking. He currently works as a spokesman for the nonprofit NW Hopeful Horizons. His work has never been published before but he hopes to create more.