The thought of Christmas brings me both joy and grief. Every. Single. Year. And every single year I pull out Christmas music and gravitate to “Oh Holy Night” by Mariah Carey. As a teenager, I discovered her Christmas album and had one of those ancient cassette tapes - connected to a wire - connected to my CD player. Am I even remembering that right? It was a sort-of-conversion device to play compact discs in my car. (That’s a clue to just how old I am.)
Read MoreAs I sit here trying to let my flame of joy live, I wonder about this. My rational brain and therapist in me say, “Yes, we hold the tensions of this world, we hold our various emotions and experiences together.” But my body and my heart are skeptical, possibly even scared, unsure if it’s safe. Safe for what you may ask? Safe to believe God is all who She says She is and I am who She says I am. Safe to be in my body as I feel the goodness of God and not fear disappointment, death, and it ending. Safe to take up space. Safe to believe that it’s okay to find rest and relief in my joy.
Read MoreRead MoreThe post-traumatic stress disorder influenza symptomology: chills, fever, body aches, pain in joints, night sweats, trouble breathing, congestion, and restless sleep.
It’s not easy to slow down, take a breath, listen to my body, check in with my family in more than just passing. I live in a heightened state of movement, needing to meet deadlines, pressure to stay present with my family, amidst deep desire for connection.
Read MoreRead MoreWild fierce announcing
Not the light witness of light
Anxiety gone
